Last week, I had the privilege of speaking at the Women Lead Change event in Des Moines, where over 1,000 incredible women gathered for a day of learning, inspiration, and connection. One of my favorite moments happened after my keynote when I had a fun conversation with a few attendees about fashion.
Now, anyone who knows me knows I love a bold wardrobe choice, so when the event organizers encouraged us to have fun with our outfits, I took them up on the challenge with some edgy shoes. While chatting with the attendees after my keynote, a new friend by the name of Sarah was complimenting me on my heels. I told her how I thought about wearing my sparkle dress, but figured I’d just have some fun with the shoes. That sparked a conversation with her as she had ALWAYS wanted to wear her sequin pants but never quite got up the nerve. She worried about being uncomfortable in such a bold choice, or God forbid, being judged for wearing something “too bold.”
That’s when my friend Debbie, the bureau agent who booked me for the event, stepped in with a little nudge: “It’s a mini butterfly goal—you HAVE to wear those pants!” We challenged her to go for it, and sure enough, the next day, she showed up in her fabulous sequin pants.
The best part? She didn’t just wear the pants—she owned them. She told me later how confident she felt and how many compliments she received. What she had worried about—being judged—never materialized. Instead, she was celebrated. She sent me these pictures of her rocking the pants and this little note on how she FELT in her sparkle pants.
What a great reminder – NEVER PLAY SMALL!
This moment reminded me how often we create unnecessary fears that hold us back from doing the small things that challenge us. These “mini butterfly goals” are the ones that push us just outside our comfort zones. Whether it’s wearing a pair of sequin pants, speaking up in a meeting, or trying something new, these little acts of bravery can make a big impact on our confidence and sense of self.
This week, I challenge you to take on your own mini butterfly goal. What’s that one thing you’ve wanted to do but haven’t because of fear or hesitation? Do it, and let me know how it goes! You might be surprised to find that instead of judgment, you’ll receive celebration.
Here are three emotional intelligence tips to help you embrace your mini butterfly goals:
1. Embrace Your Authenticity in Small Moments
Authenticity isn’t just about big life decisions; it’s in the small, everyday choices too—like what we wear. When we choose clothes that reflect who we truly are, we express our unique selves. It’s a reminder that we didn’t come here to be like everyone else; we came to be us. Start each day with a reflection of your authenticity by dressing in a way that celebrates you. Whether it’s bold or subtle, what matters is that it feels true to who you are.
2. Challenge the Fear of Judgment
Most of the time, the fear that holds us back from expressing ourselves—whether through fashion, ideas, or opinions—is imagined. We worry about being judged, but the reality is that people often admire courage and authenticity. The more we practice showing up as our true selves, the more we realize that judgment is rarely as harsh as we fear, and celebration is more common than we expect. When you act from a place of confidence and authenticity, you set an example for others to do the same.
3. You didn’t come to be THEM, you came to be YOU.
In a world that often tries to box us in, owning your authenticity is a powerful act of emotional intelligence. It starts with rejecting the pressure to conform and instead embracing who you are. Whether it’s your fashion, personality, or career path, remind yourself that you didn’t come to be them—you came to be you. The freedom to live as your authentic self is a gift that not only brings you joy but also inspires those around you to do the same.
Remember, small steps can lead to big transformations. I can’t wait to hear about the mini butterfly goals you take on this week!
Keep shining, keep sparkling and be who you came to be.
With love and sequins,
Tara
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