You are not your thoughts
I received a message from a podcast listener that stopped me in my tracks.
She told me that a friend who lived far away had called her in crisis, contemplating suicide. She was emotional and struggling to find the right words to help calm her friend—until she remembered something from my recent podcast episode.
"You are not your thoughts."
During my talks, I share this emotional intelligence tip—reminding people that 80% of our daily thoughts are negative, biased, and untrue. Our minds are wired to focus on problems, fears, and self-doubt. But we can get mentally fit enough to recognize that thoughts are just that—thoughts. They do not define us, and they do not have to control us.
This listener shared those words—"you are not your thoughts"—with her friend, and it became a turning point. It helped her step back, question the painful thoughts she was experiencing, and see that they weren’t truths—just thoughts. They talked through what she was feeling, how loved she was, and how her mind was distorting reality. That conversation, that moment, mattered.
I was relieved to hear that this listener’s friend is now seeking professional support, because emotional intelligence doesn’t replace therapy. But it does help us navigate our emotions with more clarity and self-awareness.
If you’re struggling, please know this:
✨ You are not your thoughts.
✨ You are not alone.
✨ There is hope, even when you can’t see it right now.
How to Catch and Reframe Negative Thoughts:
Pause & Label It – When a negative thought arises, instead of accepting it as fact, pause and say: This is a thought, not the truth.
Ask: Would I say this to a friend? – If you wouldn’t say it to someone you love, why say it to yourself?Reframe it with self-compassion.
Find One Piece of Evidence Against It – Our minds convince us of worst-case scenarios. Challenge the thought. Look for even one reason why it might not be true.
Redirect & Take Action – Instead of spiraling in negative thoughts, do something small to shift focus: breathe, step outside, call a friend, listen to music that lifts you up.
Your mind will tell you things that aren’t true. But you have the power to step back, challenge those thoughts, and remind yourself who you truly are.
💛 If you or someone you love is struggling, please don’t hesitate to reach out for help.
📞 988 – National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (U.S.)
📞 Text HOME to 741741 – Crisis Text Line
📞 Find a therapist: www.psychologytoday.com
You matter—more than you know.
Be who you came to be.