Great Leaders Never Complain Down
There’s a powerful moment in Saving Private Ryan when Captain Miller (played by Tom Hanks) says:
“Gripes go up, not down. Always up. You complain to me, I complain to my superior officers. That’s the way it works. You don’t gripe to your men. That’s just the way it is.”
This is one of my favorite emotional intelligence secrets to level-up leadership: Great leaders never complain down.
You might think you’re being transparent by letting your team know how you really feel—but that’s a misperception. We don’t build trust by commiserating with others. It does just the opposite.
When leaders complain down, they’re not just releasing stress—they’re transferring it. Negativity rolls downhill. It erodes trust, morale, and motivation. That doesn’t mean we fake positivity or pretend everything is fine. It means we lead with intention. We process our frustrations with peers, mentors, or superiors—not the people we’re responsible for leading.
Leadership is emotional. And emotional intelligence gives us the tools to lead with strength, composure, and clarity—especially when things are tough.
Remember: If you’re venting down, you’re likely creating confusion, not connection. Stay grounded. Stay focused. And keep leading from the front.
This Week’s Challenge:
Think about how you handle stress and frustration. Do you “vent down” to your team, friends, or kids? What’s one small shift you can make this week to vent up and lead better?
